Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Yaya Toure's agent is absolutely mental

Yaya Toure, the adult man who once threw a tantrum because he didn't get a cake for his 30th birthday from his employer, has blasted - BLASTED, CAROL! - Pep Guardiola for not liking Africans. Or rather his agent has.

According to Yaya Toure's agent, who's a real whizz when it comes to being an agent, Yaya is so annoyed with Guardiola and his hatred for all African people that he now wants to play for any top six side for £1 a week (plus bonuses...) just so he can play against and beat Man City. It reminds me of the time my old boss hated all of Scotland because I didn't bother turning up for work a couple of times.

Somewhere in the real world, an actual human (Yaya's agent) said this. In 2018:
"He turned all Africa against himself, many African fans turned away from Manchester City. And I’m sure that many African shamans in the future will not allow Guardiola to win the Champions League. This will be for Guardiola an African curse. Life will show whether I am right or not.”
Is his agent doing some sort of forfeit? Is this real? Or is he like some insane Daniel Day Lewis-level actor, stuck inside a character he created long ago. Is he Daniel Day Lewis?

To reflect the African shaman curse, bookmakers have put Man City at 80 hundred billion/1 to win the Champions League, which is just slightly better than the odds Yaya Toure will bang his agent. That's my only other explanation as to why he's acting like such a tool.