Monday, 18 June 2018

Mexico's government says goal against Germany caused an earthquake

In highly doubtful news, the Mexican government - bastions of integrity - have revealed/claimed that all the people jumping in Mexico after that goal against Germany caused a small earthquake.

In a tweet (so you know it's true) they said:
The # earthquake detected in Mexico City originated artificially. Possibly by massive jumps during the Goal of the selection of # Mexico in the world. At least two sensors inside the City detected it at 11:32.
My favourite word in this is 'possibly' because ignores the potential that this was caused by a horrifying underground lizard making its way towards the surface of the earth to unleash havoc upon all who sit beneath the hot Mexican sun. Once El Lizardo begins his reign of terror there will be only one way to defeat him and that will be by organising a way to make USA to score a goal somewhere in order to cause a tsunami when all the fat people fall over.

England are also bracing themselves for damage that might be caused to ancient beloved buildings if their team score on Monday night, as supporters beat the shit out of each other and throw tables around a Wetherspoons while high on a mixture of talcum powder and speed. Truly, football is a magical sport.