Saturday, 29 April 2017

Spurs vs Arsenal: Three at the back is like so hip right now

The other day someone managed to flip their car on to its back on the 20mph speed limit street outside my house. How? How do you do even do that? Perhaps this was a sign - strange things were going on in North London. Stranger than Arsenal playing with a 3-4-2-1?! Let's find out.

As we all know, there is nothing sexier in life than a new formation, and Arsenal now play with three centre backs because people in North London will literally die unless they keep up with whatever is fashionable.

Arsene Wenger was like 'yeh boi I is gon totes change it up magoo' and put ROB HOLDING, champion of our hearts, in defence next to Laurent Koscielny and Gabriel - not the singer from Genesis or the pirate loving R&B star - and it's gone sort of OK. Compare betting offers from all of the greatest uk bookies if you'd like to try and win money guessing how screwed they'll be against Spurs, who are now very good at the soccering. 

It's not just Arsenal playing 3-4-2-1 - everyone is at it. At five a side they're doing it, in offices around the country they're doing it - with three receptionists, those important finance people can type with even more attacking freedom knowing that Sally downstairs will be having a whale of time rescheduling their golf meetings and arranging drop offs with their narcotics supplier.

And now, let's listen to the greatest football song ever first - perhaps that will inspire you to bet, the thing you absolutely have to do if you even like football these days. And just like gambling there is no possible way that 3-4-2-1 could go wrong, certainly not for an Arsenal team who love selfies and conceding goals and failure. 

I was on a tube train (it's one of the ones that lives under the soil) the other day and these four or five Arsenal fans were singing all their favourite songs, like about how Harry Kane's family were "mongs" and that Wojiech Szczesny built their house "because he's Polish" and another terrific ditty that goes "he's white, he's black, he plays at centre-back it's Gabriel" because they were just a great bunch of lads. Cunts. Arsenal fans are the worst. And Liverpool. And Old Firm. And just everyone, I really don't like football people.

And that is all you get from FitbaThatba today. Peace out.