Friday, 26 February 2016

How will Liverpool beat Manchester City?

The cup final that nobody cares about takes place on Sunday and the entire football watching populations of Malaysia, Singapore and Nigeria are excited, as the team most of them support takes on the one their children soon will. BUT WHO WILL WIN?

Liverpool have some players, Manchester City have some players - the FA has a referee. The ingredients are all there to make one delicious cake, or possibly a football match as Sky Sports insist on calling it. will probably even help you find odds on who will win the match - it's bloody mental.

Speaking of Sky Sports, did you know that Paul Merson and Jamie Redknapp and the rest of them all have to work five days a week at Sky? That's like a real job. I always thought the benefit of working in TV was that you just sort of turn up, do a wee rehearsal and then get to make jokes on camera for a bit. Then you get the money, the women, and you just get to sit around playing Nintendo until you decide to get pissed the next day.

But no. Apparently they have a job just like the rest of the plebs. When I worked at BT Sport Jonathan Pearce aka Robot Wars and Ian Darke and Jake and the LADZ used to be there all the time and one time David Ginola walked past and he was so goddamn handsome I swear it made me a bit more gay than usual. Honestly, if I met him a hotel bar like in Lost in Translation, I guarantee I'd end up banging him. That's if he'd fancy me first actually, but then everyone does don't they? Mustn't lose confidence.

So yeh Man City are playing Liverpool and I'll probably watch it. Who do you want to win? I want happiness to win. Whatever you said is worse than me. I am a better person. Send me money.