Saturday, 1 August 2015

Celtic delight at winning SPFL title after 4 minutes of league football

Brave Ross County waited all of 4 minutes before just rolling over and accepting that Celtic's inevitable victory en route to SPFL glory was going to happen at some point anyway.


Leigh Griffith's, father of crime, patiently waited until the 4th minute of the SPFL opening day, where you can buy a sofa at four years interest free credit, before scoring a penalty. Referee Willie Collum spoke after the match:
I was bored of Ross County pretending they were going to try and win, so to speed things up I just awarded Celtic the first of the 28 penalties they'll get this season. I have no idea if it was actually a foul or whatever but I mean come on.
SPFL officials waited until the second goal in 35th minute before carving Celtic's name onto the trophy and handed it over to the club chairman, Paddy McStuckinthePast along with a giant cheque for the amount of "however much you need".

League rivals Aberdeen kick off their campaign for second on Sunday against Celtic's feeder club, Dundee United, whose ambitions this year include selling any players that turn out to be quite good, and taking money from fans in exchange for keeping several club employees in work.