Monday, 10 November 2014

Where's Ravel Morrison? In court again.

Ravel Morrison was on the fringes of the England team not long ago, or in the England team? I can't remember, but what is he doing now? I'll tell you what he's not doing, threatening to throw acid in his ex-girlfriend's face and having her killed.


The talented chav has been cleared of charges relating to the lovely stuff above. Good news for Ravel. The bad news for Ravel is that he faces another three charges of assaulting his ex-girlfriend and her Mother. He has pleaded not guilty, so I'll have to be really careful about what I say...

Why can't he just be a normal 21 year old? Going out and getting hammered, then stealing road signs on the way home, fine. Being accused of assault, not fine. Google tells me he's on loan at Cardiff now, he ideally needs to play for somewhere where there is absolutely no way for him to get in trouble. Maybe he could live on an island off the West coast of Scotland and be flown in for games. Only sheep shagging and alcoholism would be his distractions, and they are both perfectly acceptable hobbies.

He will be due back in court in January to stand trial for the other charges. Don't worry, FitbaThatba will be there every step of the way to give you all the breaking updates from the case. Unless there are any other football stories we consider to be more interesting. Like Joey Barton choking to death on his own farts or Balotelli going for a joyride in the Batmobile.

@jackwaterston