Monday, 27 October 2014

Zidane banned

Everyone loves Zidane. If you were born in the 80s, he's probably the best player you've ever seem after Tony Hibbert. Only Zidane could end his career with a headbutt and enhance his status of KING. Maybe that's why he thought he could coach without the relevant badges, because he is Zidane you dicks.



News has surfaced that Zinedine has been banned from coaching for three months. It turns out that he doesn't actually have the level three French coaching badge he requires. I should have known it was the French, they ruin everything. Telling Zidane he isn't qualified to coach football is like telling John Terry that he's not qualified to coach teenagers to be top shaggers. Just try telling JT he's not a top shagger, he'll shag your dad and not even enjoy it. He's just doing it to teach you a lesson. 

In Zidanes defence he said something about nobody defending him and being spat on, which seems a strange thing to do. He has until April 2015 to sit his level three, which means he has up until March 31st to sit at home and play Football Manager, while eating disgusting amounts of onion ring crisps. Then the night before, he'll drink ten red bulls and study for 12 hours straight before sitting his exams buzzing off his tits and annotating his diagrams of complex pressing systems with flying dragons and ninjas. 

@JackWaterston