Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Paul Scholes is causing a full stop humanitarian crisis

Paul Scholes has recently taken up the art of being a pundit, which as he has discovered is to hang out with some guys he sort of knows and say things out loud. It's very difficult, but even more difficult is mastering the art of the written word.

The Evening Standard is one of those free newspapers you get in London and it exchanges money to Paul Scholes for his thoughts on football. I have highlighted the key stylistic decision Scholes has elected to use in this particular example of prose, namely to use all of the fullstops that have ever existed.

Although it is somewhat ironic that I am pointing out someone else's grammatical flaws, a child in the first year of high school would fail an English exam if they were to submit copy like this. This is how it should look
I thought Jack Wilshere had two very good games for England and he may actually be their best player at this moment in time. The penny appears to have dropped and while Wilshere has always been capable of intricate passing, he's added an extra dimension to his game. The quality of some of his long passes to Wayne Rooney was high. AND THEN I MURDERED HER ENTIRE FAMILY
Even that's still pretty bad and, like I said, it means nothing coming from me, but you get the idea. The closest thing I can relate it to is:

Which judging by that cover is actually quite a morbid book. Like a way of explaining what that whole Madeline McCann thing is to children or the mentally ill.