Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Football: bloody hell

You may have noticed that I haven't written anything on FitbaThatba for a while. I am not dead. Do not worry. To get your Fitba fix simply start going to Project Babb. It's the same as FitbaThatba except it's a real job and I'm not allowed to swear. Here is a video of me commentating on England v Costa Rica in a game of FIFA to prove I'm not dead:


I promise I will never die. I also will try and do some writing on here again at some point, please do not leave.

But yeh Project Babb is basically just FitbaThatba with more writers and to a high standard. Go see it

Love from JJ x

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

The Adventures of Zlatan! Episode One: The Cinema

IT HAS BEGUN!  THE ADVENTURES OF ZLATAN: EPISODE ONE IS HERE!


If you could all go and read Project Babb (the site that I work for and who made this) that would be great.  It's basically FitbaThatba without swearing.  And with additional writing from people who aren't me so if you're into that kind of thing you should probably make it your new home page or whatever.

I woke up wearing all my clothes this morning.

Saturday, 7 June 2014

Platini thinks Qatar should be revoted, even though he voted Qatar

That whole World Cup in Qatar thing seems to polarise opinion in a lot of people, specifically everyone in the world who has heard anything about football ever.  Now Platini believes that the vote should be redone because it was so corrupt


Despite effectively bank rolling global football, the Middle East still hasn't had their World Cup reward and it might be an even longer wait (BBC):
Uefa president Michel Platini has called for a re-vote on the staging of the 2022 World Cup if allegations of corruption against Qatar are proven.
The Qatar bid is under investigation after a Sunday Times report alleged football officials accepted bribes.
Shocking stuff.  They won't even get a chance to enjoy the 2014 World Cup fixtures while this is up in the air and I especially like how everyone keeps discussing Qatar as having been corrupt when the actual corruption is all Fifa's fault.  Qatar can't literally force money into their hands; the writing down of a vote is all the doing of a human person.  I think.  I could lie and say I know loads about voting or that I've ever voted but that would be wrong.  To lie to you.

Really it should be Fifa that is blamed for being corrupt but when I think about it they are blamed for being corrupt.  There's not a person alive outside of Fifa who thinks Fifa isn't corrupt, and when you consider that, just how exactly does this work again?  No-one likes them but they have absolute power?  Just like my step-Dad.  YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!  I'M A GROWN BOY!

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Ronaldo might miss World Cup, might not

Cristiano Ronaldo is suffering from the terrible symptoms of TENDINOSIS

What the fuck is TENDINOSIS I hear you ask?  I don't knoooooooooowwwwww * A wild wikipedia appeared*


Tendinosis is:
Tendinosis, sometimes called chronic tendinitis, tendinosus, chronictendinopathy, or chronic tendon injury, is damage to a tendon at a cellular level
And Ronaldo has it.  DAMAGE AT A CELLULAR LEVEL.  He's evolving.  Become more and more sentient as each day goes by.  Soon... eventually.... he will turn into his true form

RONALDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And he will score goals and fight for our truths.  Our truths and our rights to party dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun


A World Cup without Ronaldo is one that I just can't bare to watch.  Bear to watch.  Bear Grylls?  Bear grills.  Grills?  Girls.  Grrrrrrr.  Bears



WILL HE LIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT?!  WILL HE LIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT!>!>!!!>!!?!?!!?>?!>!?!>?!>?!>?!>?!>!>?>?!>!?!>?!>?!>?!>!>!!>!>!>!>!>!>!>>!??????

tendinosis tendinosis TENDINOSIS tendonisis terrorist










and that's basically the line of thought I tend to have whenever I write one of those songs for the youtube

Luxembourg and the greatest throw in of all time

Luxembourg drew against Italy last night, which according to English people in my office means that they will be totally easy to beat next Saturday, or whenever it is.  Regardless, here is the greatest throw in of all time

 
 
The other candidate is obviously the effort where the boy throws a ball in someone's face


But I'm sure you'll agree the Luxembourg one is better.  My biggest problem with throw ins is that I keep giving away foul throws when I play football.  For a long time I studied the rules and even considered practising them but then I realised that was pointless because I'm shit at football and it doesn't matter, just like everything in life. 

What did we learn from England v Ecuador?

England drew 2-2 with EcuaDOORRRRRRR dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun last night in their World Cup warm up game but what did we learn?


1. Ross Barkley and Oxlade-Chamberlain are very good

Young Ross Barkley and Young Oxlade-Chamberlain ran a lot and were very fast - two of the only ingredients required to become England legends.  If you combine some ball skills and a power strike, and maybe a little salt, well baby, you've got a stew going


2. James Milner probably shouldn't play right back

Unless of course you mean right back.... in the changing room!

Wait..

3. Jack Wilshere is not a holding midfield player

listed as 'attacking midfielder'

Jack Wilshere had to put up with playing nearly a whole game of watching Ross Barkley do what Jack Wilshere used to when everyone thought Jack Wilshere was the best thing since sliced bread or headphones.  To deal with this realisation he decided to fall over a lot and give the ball away as much as possible.  Thankfully Frank Lampard isn't a holding midfield player either and so both were regularly out of position, allowing Ecuador's POWER STRIKE equalisation.


4. Oxlade-Chamberlain might be injured

Young Oxlade-Chamberlain used his pace and cunning to track back an Ecuadorian attack only to possibly rupture his knee ligaments when an Ecuadorian player fell over onto his leg.  Fortunately for England this means they have a direct replacement in Michael 'tug boat sideways man' Carrick or Tom 'please keep me out of newspapers for just a few more months' Cleverley.

5. Something about Wayne Rooney

The papers have all run stories asking whether Wayne Rooney should be dropped but hopefully he isn't because if someone dropped him it would make a loud bang BECAUSE HE'S SO FAT HA HA AHA HAH A

But seriously, he is going to be large when he retires.

6. Chris Smalling - why?


I still haven't seen Chris Smalling do anything that makes me think he's an international footballer yet but then again I haven't seen Grant Hanley do anything that makes me think he's human so I guess I'll just have to leave this train of thought.

7. The only thing anyone thinks of when they hear the word 'Ecuador' is the song 'Ecuador' by Sash


8. Fifa 14 is still shit

I tried playing it again last night but had to physically restrain myself from punching my playstation to death.  I'm not sure how this is related to the England game last night

9. Roy Hodgson looks like a fucking owl


10. Valencia is not a robot

Raheem Sterling was sent off for trying to murder Antonio Valencia on the touchline and he reacted in a very uncharacteristic way, by reacting at all.  Until last night I was about 70% sure that he was built out of policeman that had been killed on duty and was controlled by someone playing Scalextrics, seeing as the only thing that he does is go up and down in a straight line very fast and occasionally flies off the track.  And at that point you realise you're bored of playing Scalextrics because you can't really race properly but you have noticed that electricity smells nice

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

FitbaThatba Investigates: Qatar World Cup Controversy

We spent the last few months accurately researching various topics for our in depth documentary series and here is the first episode.  I'm sure you'll agree that we can all learn something from it.


In this first episode I take a look at the controversy behind the FIFA World Cup in Qatar and how it affects global football.  Remember to show your friends on Twitter and Facespaz so that everyone can share in our learning

Monday, 2 June 2014

Fill Your Belly, Win a Telly with hungryhouse

FOODBALL’S COMING HOME

Fill Your Belly, Win a Telly with hungryhouse

Four years ago, when Yakubu missed that sitter against South Korea, it was a shocker that dumped Nigeria out of the competition and changed the future of Nigerian football. Eight years ago, when Zinedine Zidane decided to use his head in the only way he hadn’t yet done during his illustrious career, it was one of the most eye-popping moments in the game, and the whole thing was later immortalised in 16-foot-high bronze.

To celebrate such show-stopping events - and in anticipation of this year’s tournament giving us some equally crazy moments - we’ve teamed up with our favourite football blogs to offer you some mouthwatering prizes.

Post your wittiest caption to the image below to be in with the chance of winning a tidy 25 quid takeaway voucher from hungryhouse. That’ll keep you well fed as the goals go in.



BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.

If you are named FitbaThatba’s winner, your winning caption will then battle it out with all ten first round winners for our grand prize: a 1986 Socrates Brazil shirt (in your size, of course) and a Panasonic widescreen HD TV.

So what are you waiting for? Give us your captions!

NOTE: The deadline for all captions is midnight on Sunday 8th June.

(Only available to UK residents. For a full list of the blogs taking part, visit the hungryhouse competition page.)


Follow the #foodballscominghome hashtag for updates