Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Scotland Vs Nigeria: Nothing to see here

Nothing dodgy has ever happened in the history of Nigerian football...so reports coming out that there may have been some match-fixing threats around this friendly, leaves me shocked and appalled.


Tomorrow night, Scotland play Nigeria at Fulham's Craven Cottage which makes absolutely no sense at all. I guess Nigeria thought nobody would bother watching this game so a spot of alleged match-fixing wouldn't be noticed. The National Crime Agency, which is apparently is a less sexier version of the FBI, have contacted the SPL and alerted them to some threats to rig the game. I'm not sure how it works, but I think if anyone scores an own goal, they are immediately arrested. 

It's been said that Scotland are not being investigated, so using my powerful detective skills, this leaves the team they are playing. As long as the match fixing is hilarious, I'm not really that fussed. Last year a Nigerian team called Police Machine won a game 67-0 - which is fucking mental anyway, but even better when you discover that at half time they were only winning 6-0. There were 61 goals after half-time -how is that even possible? 

If every Nigerian is like the lovely person who e-mailed me the other day, then I cannot see this story going any further. My new best friend Prince Umbukwe Bogle is due to inherit a lot of money but cannot open a bank account. All he needed was my bank details so the money can be transferred and then we are splitting it 60-40, which seems fair since he's never met me and keeps calling me different names. I'm not sure how much I'm going to get but I've already handed in my notice at work. My boss said I was " a fucking idiot" - could she be any more jealous?