Friday, 23 May 2014

*BONG* Osama Bin Laden planned to blow up David Seamen *BONG*

According to a magazine thing that I stumbled across yesterday, Osama Bin Laden had a terrorist plan to explode David Seamen and shoot Alan Shearer in the face.

Once you've read the above article you'll learn that as early as 1994, keen Arsenal fan Bin Laden, whose favourite player was Ian Wright, had attempted to organise a sporting massacre even worse than that time Aberdeen got pumped 9-0 off Celtic.  The plan involved a suicide bomber wandering onto the pitch after England scored against Tunisia in the 98 World Cup and blowing up David Seamen, while other men threw grenades into the subs bench to take out Glenn Hoddle, Michael Owen and David Beckham and finally, someone else would run onto the pitch and shoot Alan Shearer in the face with a shotgun.

None of these things actually happened in real life, as we know, but I will say that if Bin Laden's replacement has run out of ideas for murderous plots for the better of society, I'm pretty sure I can tell him where Michael Owen is most Saturday's at about 12:45 if that helps