Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Kevin Phillips to retire at the age of 109

Kevin Phillips has announced that he plans to retire at the end of the season, bringing to an end a career that has overseen two world wars HAHA BECAUSE HE'S OLD

Phillips said:
After 20 amazing years as a professional footballer, I've decided to announce my retirement.
I will play my final game for Leicester on Saturday, at our home ground, having won the Championship title - and that seems like the perfect way to bow out.
Super Kev deserves a decent photo because I actually really like him.  He's one of the only players in Premier League history to score 30 goals or more in one season, joining the likes of Alan Shearer, Thierry Henry, Cristiano Ronaldo, Andy Cole and Luis Suarez in a prestigious elite club.  It's not as prestigious as the elite club I'm part of, which is called the NO GIRLS CLUB.  It's clever you see, because since they aren't allowed to join, all the girls will want to!  I'm a genius.  All I have to do now is wait in my shed (HQ) and wait for the hotties to roll in once they've read the sign.