Monday, 3 March 2014

Sol Campbell: "something something racism"

Do you remember when Sol Campbell was England captain?  Of course you don't BECAUSE YOU ARE SO RACIST


My favourite memory of Sol Campbell was when he scored this goal against Argentina and then with sheer joy charged towards the corner flag to celebrate.  It is my favourite because the goal was disallowed for absolutely no reason and it was funny.  Sol Campbell's least favourite memory is when England didn't make him captain because he's black or something, because the FA absolutely hates black people.  Oh you didn't know?  Detective Sol is on the case:
'I believe if I was white, I would have been England captain for more than 10 years - it's as simple as that.
Campbell added: 'I think the FA didn't want me to have a voice. Owen was a fantastic forward but nowhere near being a captain. It was embarrassing.'I've asked myself many times why I wasn't. I keep coming up with the same answer. It was the colour of my skin.'
Oh jeez I think he's cracked it.  It's the only possible reason that he wasn't given the armband.  It's not like he's said in interviews that he was shy, or that there were several other candidates or anything like that.  He has good investigating skills I guess, but then as a middle class white guy I haven't really been able to play the race card on many occasions, using "OH I FAILED MY MATHS TEST BECAUSE YOU HATE BLACK PEOPLE" just didn't fly back in my day.

And while there are some people who are still racist in this world (they all live in Russia), I would wager that very few of them are intelligent enough to find themselves in a position of significance that they could then use to exploit for their racist gain, like say someone on the board of the FA.  This isn't America in the 60s or my Grandma's house.  People seem to have forgotten what racism even is.  Someone at my work told me that having Apu in the Simpsons is racist because implying that an Indian person would work in a convenience store is such a stereotype.  I can't think for the life of me where it comes from.

Impersonating Indian accents is unacceptable
The years that Campbell WOULD HAVE BEEN CAPTAIN IF HE WAS WHITE were when Tony Adams and Alan Shearer were captain, and after them came David Beckham.  When asked whether the ex-Arsenal defender was ever really considered as a captain, Sven Goran-Erikkson said:
'Not a chance - during my years, not a chance,' the Swede said. 'As you know, from my first to my last game, I had David Beckham (as captain) and there were never, ever any discussions at all in the team or in the FA about the captain.'
Yeh save it for the judge.  I can hear the prejudice in every word you evil Swede.  Why don't you go back to your beautiful tall blonde woman you bloody racist