Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Vince McMahon might buy Newcastle United

I've always said that the only thing that could make football even better is if it somehow incorporated many of the elements that make wrestling ace.  Now my prayers may have been answered


According to a rumour that started somewhere online, the WWE chairman has been making noises about buying Newcastle.  This is from winnersports.co.uk, which I'm sure is a real reliable source when it comes to genuine football news so this is pretty much a done deal.
He sees England as an untapped market for his wrestling empire. He has even indicated he could put on wrestling bouts at St James’s Park.
I can't wait until it's time for a substitution and all the lights go out around St James Park.

"Uh oh what's going on here?!" say the commentators, but they know.  Pyrotechnics shoot up into the sky and from behind a walkway of fire Shola Ameobi prepares to enter the field to the tune of 'Sleep Now In The Fire'.

"It's Shola Ameobi!", they screech with delight, and as Gourcuff jogs off, two giant flames fire out from the ground.  He runs on to rapturous applause, but then FROM NOWHERE Lee Cattermole batters a steel chair off his head.

"OH NO HE DIDN'T" they yell, but he totally did.  "What's this now?!" and then The Rock and The Undertaker come out - we didn't even know they were pals!!!! A tag team?!!  Cattermole runs for his life but bounces off the ropes that now surround the pitch and straight back towards The Undertaker.  "TOMBSTONE!!" and he flops like a fish on its belly all around the centre circle.

"It's all over now!" shouts JR, but what's this?!! The Rock has thrown his arm band into the crowd!  With one eye brow raised, he begins his run towards the ropes on one sides and bounds back towards the lifeless Cattermole.  He reaches the other end of the pitch, springs back off the ropes OH NO HE DOESN'T!!!  AMEOBI HAS GRABBED HIM!!  SUPLEX OVER THE ROPES INTO THE CROWD..... HE'S DONE IT!!!  THE ROCK IS OUT!

Ameobi returns to the centre of the pitch as 'Highway To Hell' rings out around the stadium

Final score, Newcastle 1-1 Sunderland.