Monday, 3 February 2014

Poor David Moyes is a record breaker AWOOGA

David Moyes has entered the record books as not only my favourite Manchester United manager of all time, but also he really has entered the record books.  As in he's broken records, not like he's 'entered them' Woody Allen style.

This weekend's defeat to Stoke was especially hilarious because Mark Hughes is absolutely terrible and almost definitely thinks that he masterminded the victory.  You know everything is going against you when Hughes gets the upper hand, and it's even more clear when Charlie Adam manages to score not one, but TWO goals against you, especially when one is really, really good.

Occasionally I find out how old someone is and flat out don't believe it, but Charlie Adam is a month younger than me.  I am older than Charlie Adam.  He looks like someone assembled his head him from bits they found in a sausage factory.  Some people say 'he must have had a tough paper round' but this guy looks like he still has a paper round in fucking Mordor.

Regardless, Manchester United still lost to Stoke despite having RVP, Rooney and Juan Mata up front.  Their tactics appear to have come directly from Moyes' Sunday league 'Ideas Book'.  I have acquired a top secret extract from that book:

Poor David Moyes.  Not only is he subject of countless jokes by people on the internet, but he's now being given patronising support from his peers.  And when I say peers I mean Mark Hughes:
David has been in the game a long time now, he knows how it works, but the thing with United is that they will give him time. He deserves time. He’s served his dues and he’s been given a fantastic opportunity at a great club to be really successful and I wish him well.
Receiving praise from Mark Hughes must be like losing a game of FIFA to a 12 year old or being told that the gig you just played was 'good' by the guy in the band that brought 50 skinhead Fred Perry bucket hat wearing mates to the pub to watch him gurn out songs that even the Stone Roses would have punched to death if they'd known they existed.

I hate the stone roses.  A lot.