Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Joseph Minala is 17

I accidentally just had a week off from writing FitbaThatba articles and it was very nice, thanks for asking.  Luckily for me my new favourite football story of all time happened and although I'm late to the party, I still find it funny days later.  This guy is 17

Lazio have said that they will sue anyone who continues to question Joseph Minala's age and say that because he has had a very hard childhood his face looks slightly more weathered than you might think.  That's if by weathered you mean 'werthers originals' because that's what he gives his grandkids when they come round.  

There are rumours that the Cameroonian told a Senegalese website he is actually 41 but as I've said, Lazio and his agent have both strongly denied it.  If I was a betting man, on somewhere totally random like 888sport football betting for example, I'd be unsure as where to place him on the age scale.  If I wasn't acutely aware that Lazio plan to sue people who question it publicly, I'd say that he's 41.  Luckily I'm aware that they said that so I know he's 17.  Let's look at some more pictures

And my favourite of all.  The piece de resistance (which is actually one of the wars he fought in)

Are you fucking kidding me?  Imagine being 16 and lining up next to this monster in a junior football match.  Imagine it.  The the only explanation I have for a 17 year old's face looking this old is that he drank from the wrong grail but it wasn't quite as deadly as the one that other guy chose and only went half way to killing him.

There have been quite a few stories about African footballers having questionable ages on their passports over the years.  A Portsmouth physio once described Kanu's muscle structure as befitting of a man in his mid fifties.  At the time he was 30.  A Daily Telegraph journalist told me that Michael Essien is actually 40 - explaining his incredible drop in ability in the last few years - and basically there's just a few who are at it because it makes them shit loads of money and if you can get away with it then go for it.  Fair play to you.

Joseph Minala clearly isn't one of these examples because Lazio have said so.  And besides which, the player himself is tired and bored of these accusations seeing as he's had to put up with them for about 15 years now