Thursday, 9 January 2014

Thomas Hitzlsperger is totally gay

Ex-Everton and Aston Villa midfielder Thomas Hitzlsperger has told a newspaper in Germany that he is totally gay, making him the first Premier League player to have done so.  Hooray!

Before yesterday everyone in England thought that being gay was just something that people back in the olden days did but now thanks to Hitzlsperger's announcement they have seen the light.  Working class moron football fans are concerned that now everyone will become gay since the condition is very contagious and knowing that they were once within several hundred miles of one is too much to think about.  Luckily for them I've seen enough films to know that if you stab the head homosexual directly through the heart, the rest will disappear immediately.

In serious news, fair play to you good sir.  I'm sure I speak for everyone in the world when I say that I hope this sort of thing doesn't have to be news very soon, because I don't include those in the world who are homophobic or racist as humans.  I believe they should all be rounded up and sent to live on Daily Star island where they shag each other to death in Reebok trainers