Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Juan Mata is off to Man United

According to people on Twitter, which is apparently a news source nowadays, beloved Spanish person, Juan Mata, is about to join David Moyes' sinking ship.

I like Juan Mata because he seems like a swell guy but Man United?!  Away.  For a bargain price of £40million, the Chelsea star is set to join a midfield that features Phil 'the butler' Jones, Michael 'tug boat' Carrick and Tom 'no-one gives a shit' Cleverly.  Mata needs the move so he can get games ahead of the world cup but I can't help but picture the United drawing room looking like one of those scenes in a submarine that's just been hit by a torpedo.

"JUST BUY FUCKING ANYONE, QUICKLYYYYY" Moyes screams and then Ed Woodward phones Chelsea's box office to try and get put through to someone important.

"Ed who?"

Meanwhile his wife stares in disgust from behind a box of sugar puffs, ashamed of what she has become.  Like sleeping with pinnochio if he got a job as a banker.

I don't know what i'm talking about now, I'm honestly so bored of football news