Monday, 27 January 2014

Adnan Januzaj is bad at girls

Adnan Januzaj took a girl to Nando's last Autumn and she was so impressed that she told a newspaper about it.


According to Melissa McKenzie, who is the hot 25 year old featured in The Sun's investigative piece above, Adnan turned up in a tracksuit and took her to Nando's in an attempt to bang her.  The couple met on a 'social networking site', which I assume is Tinder, and then the girl arranged to meet up for a date.

The first thing I'd like to point out here, is at the time he would have been about 17.  As a guy, going out with a 17 year old at the age of 24 would be questionable, but for a girl to do it.... there are sinister things afoot.  How convenient that he happens to be a Manchester United player - especially if you're travelling from Liverpool to get some.  I've been to Liverpool, the girls aren't very good.  If you think that's sexist I don't care because you're wrong.  And probably a woman.  Here's our interview with Adnan Januzaj


Anyway, he spent £18 of his footballer wages on their delicious chicken meal and then things got saucy (PUN) as he took her to a hotel somewhere.  I have a boner just reading about it, but then it turns out that his Mum picked him up.

Then my favourite bit of the story:
The Belgian star sent the child-care student a text saying he loved her an hour after she took him home to Sale, Gtr Manchester, where he lives with his parents.
Smooth.  He just looks like such a lost little boy, which can kind of be expected when a gold digging probably 30 year old meets up with young football boys in an attempt to get pregnant.  She did give up, tbf, after he kept 'standing her up'.  I think that means he pied her off but I'm not 18 anymore so I don't know how kids do that these days.  He just wanted some.  Sadly, I fear a more prolific shagger like Justin Bieber would have sealed the deal in style and for this Adnan will be stripped of his 'top shagger' nomination for this year.

This reminds me of my early attempts to lure I mean invite women back to my house, which shockingly were largely successful, if you deem crying into a kebab while dressed as a robot successful.  And I do.  High five