Thursday, 12 December 2013

David Moyes is not having fun

David Moyes has been enjoying some lovely press recently which either asserts that he is utterly pish at being a manager, that he's out of his depth and that Alex Ferguson will probably chuck him out and take over again quite soon.

Moyes had the misfortune of taking over a team that only Ferguson had the faintest of ideas how to make work - the equivalent of being given an 'assemble it yourself' microwave with pictures of Phil Jones' terrifying face instead of words for instructions.  And so rightly, Moyes decided the only thing he could do was play a 40 year old man who ploughed his brother's wife for several years as the centre point of the team.  At this rate I honestly think he's about 2 games away from phoning Gary Pallister up for a game.  I'm pretty sure he can't be any worse than Ferdinand is at the moment.

It has always been my dream that someday all the glory hunting cunts who supported United, despite having no affiliation with them other than that 'they win stuff', would finally get their comeuppance and now it has come, it's as good as I could have hoped.  Losing two games in a row at Old Trafford? Amazing.  I never thought I'd see the days.

Even Rio Ferdinand has started whinging about stuff saying "WAAAHHHH I want the team sheet before the game" but old Moyesy knows what he's doing.  It was a master stroke to sign Marouane Fellaini for £27million - almost identical to the sorts of tactics I would employ when cheating on Championship Manager where I would sign ridiculously shit players for all the money United had and sell their best ones to anyone.  Like my video game playing youth becoming real before my very eyes.

Ferguson's shadow continues to loom over a stadium that has an entire stand named after him, and a statue outside, and Moyes still can't figure out how to change the speed dial on the phone in his office to someone other than Howard Webb, but fortunately for us United dislikers, David Moyes is here to stay.

Oh god I hope he's here to stay.

Robin Van Persie has even begun his trademark treacherous bellend ways and has reportedly handed in a transfer request.  A perfect time then for Moyes to recreate one of Ferguson's most famous misadventures and kick a football boot directly off his face because if anyone deserves that it's probably him.

Something about a hairdryer.