Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Sven-Goran Eriksson is weird

Sven-Goran Eriksson hasn't been paid millions of £££ for 8 months of work for a while now and is worried that people have forgotten who he is.  That's why he's been phoning up his old journalist pals to tell them that he invented the twix and that the Man United job should have been his.

The Swedish sex master told reporters that way back in 2002 when Alex Ferguson was pretending to retire, he had signed a contract to take over as the next boss and that his agent totally has it sitting in his office.  This may very well be true because during that time period he was actually a very successful and highly respected coach... which seems odd now.

The problem is that managing England and not winning the World Cup by beating everyone 8-0 is tantamount to utter failure;  the kind of failure like if you throw a ball back to some kids and it just falls right in front of you, 5 yards away.   Or if you're talking to a car mechanic and he says a word about something that is broken and you go 'oh yes that could be the problem' and he's actually just making it up.  Or even, worst of all, not being able to jizz because you are too drunk and can't feel anything.  Although that last one isn't that bad because at least you got the job in the first place.  I mean the girl.

Writing in his autobiography Sven: My Story, which is being serialised in the Mail on Sunday, Eriksson disclosed: “I knew it would be tricky. I had a contract with England until the 2006 World Cup and I would be severely criticised if I broke that contract. But this was an opportunity to manage Manchester United.
A contract was signed — I was United’s new manager.”
Eriksson revealed that the agent Pini Zahavi still has in his office the contract stating Eriksson would be United’s new manager.
The BBC even has Sven on their front page today and I just don't know where this guy has come from all of a sudden.  I'd totally forgotten about his horrible creepy face.  He looks like if you covered an egg in pritt-stick and rolled it underneath the sofa