According to The Daily Mail, who in my eyes have gone from 'racist hate mongers' to 'champion wind up kings' very quickly (note: I still hate it), Mesut Ozil has been flying private jets so he can get some shagging done. TOP LAD
According to the story in that particular newspaper, Ozil has been tiring himself out by flying to Italy all the time in order to bang this:
I can think of two reasons why Ozil's look the way he does now - hereditary gene passing, tits, and because he is part chameleon and can move both eyes independently to ascertain where danger is. This is also why he is able to play through balls.
Real Madrid were said to be willing to sell the star midfielder because he was knackered from destroying the ex-Miss Venezuela and I think they might be making that up. The minute that girl got close to touching my penis, I'd empty all over my pants like a misfiring hose, or like when you shake up a diet coke and it fizzes everywhere and spills out of the bottle and it's embarrassing and then your hands get all sticky and you have to shake the diet coke off your fingers or wipe it on your shirt, and you don't want to lick your fingers clean because diet coke is gross.