Monday, 19 August 2013

Arsenal are SEETHING

WENGER OUT was what people at the Emirates stadium were singing, shouting, or thinking this weekend as Arsenal were absolutely pardewed by Aston Villa.  That's Aston Villa.  Now Wenger thinks he should probably sign someone

Arsenal have about 3 fit outfield players for their game against Fenerbahce on Wednesday and then a weekend fixture against Fulham and this is somewhat less than ideally they would like.  Normally you would like to have at least 10 players, but because Wenger has become really really bored of meeting new people all the time and prefers to live life on the edge, he placed all his eggs in one basket.  The problem is that he didn't check if the eggs were broken before he bought them and it turns out that they all are, and if not cracked, some of the eggs just have cruciate ligament injuries.

This guy almost breaks down in tears because his team lost one game, and even Arsene Wenger's apology to the fans after the match wasn't enough to console him.  Instead of using the whole summer to sign the 4 or 5 world class players they needed, Arsenal have decided to do their transfer dealings in much the same way that I buy presents for my family at Christmas - full of whisky and from Asda the night before.  Never has the phrase 'that'll do' been more apt than when you just want to get home before the pub shuts.

Instead of taking home the 'Deluxe Red Power Ranger with moving limbs' for his kids, Wenger now has to make to do with the 'electric ninja star' in yellow, which nobody really wants, but the actual toys are sold out now. Also rather than costing the £2 it should due to mass manufacturing in a Chinese suicide factory, the price has been inflated to about £30m.

The Suarez thing still hasn't gone away but even if he does sign, the two fit central defenders and three average midfielders the Gunners have left is pretty shocking, especially now Wenger says he's working 24 hours a day to try and sign people.  And so in about two days, he'll awake to the sound of the postman delivering 8 dvds that he forgot he'd ordered whilst trying to pour a whole bottle of coke into a tiny glass of rum.

DEATH TO WENGER scream the fans, and I can understand.  It must be absolutely horrible having to watch your team of millionaires qualify for the Champions League every year, safe in the knowledge that they are financially secure and can still compete at the highest level.  Wow, I feel so sorry for you guys.  Please send me your address so I can send you some biscuits, you whinging bellends.