I'd love to see Rooney at a tribunal as he repeats the script he learnt note for note before heading in the room:
The behaviour shown to me by Manchester United is a cycle of constant neglect and constitutes constructive dismissal ROONEY SMASHAll this is just nonsense because he can't be arsed playing for Manchester United anymore, especially now that Ferguson has gone and been replaced with someone who looks like they'd fight a dog on the street if it got too close. No, this is the time for the Roonster (c) to bail and join Chelsea, where resident media wizard lives. Plus, in London there are more buildings for Rooney to trample on and he could even grab a woman and climb up The Shard where planes would shoot him and we can all learn that the real monster is society. Or the giant ape. I can never tell.
If he wants to go up less violently then the best chat up line for the occasion is, 'can I take you up The Shard'?
Mourinho's been giving it all "only losers sit on the bench" and "please sign for Chelsea" in the papers but still we wait for David Moyes to give in and set him free. As long as he doesn't bring Rooney to any press conferences with bright flashing lights, Manhattan should be safe. Or something
I'm sorry how little I've written, real life is hard