Sunday, 7 July 2013

Last chance for Darren Fletcher

Poor Darren Fletcher. Once Man Utd's skin and bones awkward hero, now trying to sort his bowels out and play football again before he turns 30.


Fletcher is 29 now, which is disgusting. It would appear that the chances of him turning into the Scottish Maradona are quite slim - unless he develops a cocaine habit and has a heart attack. Fletch has ulcerative colitis, which I really shouldn't have google image searched.
“It’s been a hard time the last couple of years dealing with something like this. As a professional footballer all you want to do is play, but that’s not been possible for me.  “But if the operation is a success I’ve been told there should be nothing to stop me being cleared to play again.”
After numerous operations, Dazzler has had the final "make or break" op which will dictate whether he can play professional football again. I remember when he first took ill and lost loads of weight, a rumour started that he had AIDS. For any of our foreign readers, he doesn't have AIDS, he's just Scottish. That's what we look like. We have a special skin that won't tan, only turn red, peel off and then go back to a fantastic reflective white again.

I won't make any bowel movement related jokes like I did last time. I think I upset a few people and it was a really shitty thing to do.