Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Glenn Hoddle wants to fix England

England are hilariously terrible at football at the moment, with both their under 21 and 20s team being completely destroyed in respective tournaments.  Glenn Hoddle has the answer!


The former England boss believes that his country has missed out on decades of quality players because of lazy coaching.  He told The Evening Standard:
 “I spent hours from 11 until 16 with Tottenham in the gym playing the ball against the wall. We played against the wall for an hour before we would have a match. Left foot. Right foot. In the square. In the circle. Above the line, below it. Chest control. Thigh control. Volley sideways. 
“That’s all the great players ever did; play the ball against the wall. Six generations of players have missed out on that. We’ve got to play against a wall again. Our kids are as talented as the Spanish, French or the Dutch but we’ve shied away from teaching them how to get the best out of themselves with the ball.
I don't really understand why he went to the gym to kick a football off the wall.  There's a perfectly good wall outside the gym, and that's free, unless you hit the cars parked nearby.  He does make a good point however, and having children being told to 'GET RID OF THE BALL' as soon as they get it is not very conducive to creating a free flowing passing game.
There were lazy coaches in this country. When I say lazy coaches they would play a long ball, get it quickly as far away from their goal as they possibly could and squeeze up to the halfway line. They try to condense the space, condense the creative footballer, win the ball in the last third, win matches by missing out on technique. That’s easy to play; you don’t have to coach that. 
It all makes perfect sense.  I suspect he'd have an easier time of getting the job of nurturing England's youth if it weren't for his previous dismissal for asserting that disabled people had sinned in a previous life.  I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's not on.  And speaking of scientists, according to Glenn Hoddle's theory, Stephen Hawking must have been raping non-stop