Sunday, 28 July 2013

Celtic Fans: Stop What You're Doing

Celtic fans are the self-titled best fans in the world - along with Liverpool fans of course. You see they love each other because they sing the same song or something like that. UEFA are investigating Celtic again over their fans overzealous supporting of their team.

Apparently the "Green Brigade", which is like the Boys Brigade but with fireworks, have been told to stop mock-fighting or "moshing", body surfing and setting off fireworks. Basically things that you do at early 90s hardcore-punk gigs...with fireworks- are apparently not allowed at football matches. Who knew?

During their Champions League Qualifier against Cliftonville Richard, the overexcited and most likely drunk Celtic fans damaged 131 seats and refused to follow instructions from the stewards. In fairness, stewards are massive nerds. I can't take the actions of people who would rather wear a high-vis and stare at a crowd of strangers for 90 minutes, rather than watch a game of football seriously. Despite this, UEFA are hella pissed off.

The club have said if fans don't toe the line, they are not scared to close Section 111 if they have to. Meaning the Green Brigade will have to go all the way to section 112 if they want to watch their team in the future. Section 111 sounds like a really shit film and almost certainly stars Jason Stratham. "Critics call it explosive, a non-stop thrill ride and in no way unoriginal or aimed at 12-year old males, whose testicles haven't dropped yet - Section 111: out September 3rd".