Saturday, 1 June 2013

Suarez ain't going nowhere

About twenty minutes after Luis Suarez exclusively revealed to the world that he wants to leave Liverpool, his employers issued a statement saying that that doesn't matter because we aren't going to sell him.  CONTRACT LAW, BITCHES!


I don't understand why footballers find it so difficult to comprehend that they can't just fanny around wherever they want after they've signed a legally binding contract, so just because you tell a room full of people that you want to move, it doesn't mean it's going to happen.  I learned this only yesterday, when I announced at a town hall meeting that I wanted to leave my wife in order that I could shag the really hot new girl who does the newsletters but then she said she didn't want to have sex with me because she has a boyfriend and so I retracted the statement by shouting 'I will stick with my wife until her boyfriend is murdered accidentally'.

Gambling anonymous has gotten really weird lately.