Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Pay £20k, play for Macclesfield

Macclesfield know how to do publicity and if top level staff aren't shagging each other, they're offering the public the chance to play for their team.


For only £20,000 you, YES YOU, can play 10 minutes of football in an actual league or cup game for Macclesfield Town.  Some of us have dreamed of such an opportunity and thankfully smart ones, like me, have been saving all of our spare money to take advantage of a once in a lifetime deal like this.  From what I understand of it, I will be able to carry out the following lifelong ambition:

My plan is to score a bicycle kick from 40 yards and then Natalie Imbruglia runs over from the stands, puts her hands down my pants and yells 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH' while she furiously, and erotically, undresses herself.  I reply, "I love you too Natalie Imbruglia" and feel her boobs.  They are like delicious marshmallows.  Then, with all the crowd cheering me on, I will consummate our new found love in the centre circle, then shoot a free kick in to the top corner and win £1million from Richard Branson who has been there to support me through my recent cancer scare.

All this for only £49.