Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Joe Kinnear is insane

UPDATE: It's real. They confirmed it.  HAHAHAH AHA AHAHAH A HAH HA HAH AH A HAH AH AH AH A H H AHAHAHA  HAH AHA  A HAHAHA  HAH HA HAAa

Soooooo..... it turns out that Joe Kinnear might literally be mental.  Newcastle haven't actually officially confirmed his appointment in any way at all but he's been phoning Sky Sports and Talk Sport to tell them all about his new job, that doesn't exist.  This is hilarious.


Honestly this is my new favourite story ever.  The man actually might need to be sectioned, but before it turns out he needs professional medical help let's continue to find it funny.  In a 15 minute interview, described by journalists as 'shambolic', the 66 year old mispronounced almost every single player's name wrong, suggested that Derek Llambias had been fired and was just generally very strange.  This is what the BBC wrote about his interview:
  • Refused to accept criticism of his credentials, saying he could "open the door to any manager in the world".
  • Said he wasn't a threat to manager Alan Pardew.
  • Said he had won three manager of the year awards, when he actually won one at Wimbledon in 1994.
  • Incorrectly said he had signed goalkeeper Tim Krul, who wasbrought to the club by Graeme Souness in 2005 .
  • Mispronounced several players' names, including calling Newcastle managing director Derek Llambias "Lambazi", Yohan Cabaye "Yohan Cabab" and Shola Ameobi "Shola Amamobi".
His wikipedia says he won the LMA award 3 times (94, 95 and 97), but this isn't true because two completely different people won it in 95 and 97.  Either this guy can't remember what ward he's supposed to be in, or he's been changing his own wikipedia and is trying to pull off the most elaborate hoax in football history.


The other theory behind this madness is that Mike Ashley wants to get rid of Alan Pardew without firing him and having to pay off an 8 year contract.  I guess hiring Joe Kinnear is one way to do it, but I can't help but be reminded of that time in Friends that Phoebe bought Joey a tarantula and a drum kit to make Rachel move out.  Ashley is a very successful businessman, I suspect he might have some better ideas than this.
"I heard a silly comment of 'what can I attract?'. I can open the door to any manager in the world, anyone, that's the difference. I've spent my whole life talking to Alex Ferguson, week in, week out.
"I can pick the phone up at any time of the day and speak to [Arsenal manager] Arsene Wenger, any manager in the league. In all the divisions.
This is like when a child at school assures that he went on a trip to the moon this weekend or that he owns the ghostbusters hq toy and then he convinces himself that he actually does and has no choice but to live out the lie.

There are rumours now that Newcastle have scheduled a press conference for today either to formally announce the appointment, or dismiss it completely.  If this is a real thing, if Joe Kinnear is reeeeeally coming back to be Director of Football, I'm going to die laughing.

RIP NUFC