Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Anthony Stokes Punches Elvis Impersonator (Allegedly)

That's why you come here: for hard hitting news stories like this. IRA supporter and general dodgy looking mink, Anthony Stokes, has allegedly battered an Elvis impersonator in a nightclub.

Anthony Bradley was just minding his own business, impersonating Elvis and probably being weird, when out of nowhere, Anthony Stokes punched him in the face in a Dublin nightclub (allegedly). The police have confirmed that this was "a vicious and unprovoked attack" and have confirmed that Stokes was the alleged attacker. I'll keep saying alleged so he doesn't sue or phone his mates.

The nightclub is called the Buck Whaley, which sounds like a real classy establishment. Footballers and Elvis impersonators combine, like a modern version of the Viper Room, but with less heroin and more mental Irish people. A drink was spilled on Elvis' coat, words were exchanged and Elvis ended up with broken teeth and a nose facing the wrong way. Anthony said he was all shook up by the accident, it's always on his mind and he's struggling to sleep. This was something he expected in the ghetto but not in a Dublin nightclub. He will now always be of the suspicious mind and will make sure he has a little less conversation next time when he runs into a drunken footballer. HOUND DOG.