Thursday, 9 May 2013

Wayne Rooney wants to leave

Cigarette monster Wayne Rooney has handed in a transfer request to Manchester United now that his scary Uncle is going to be in charge and because he's bored or something


According to rumours I have been reading, Rooney actually asked a couple of weeks ago about leaving but was told to sit down you slag, but this didn't help change his mind.  The club have already turned down one offer, thought to be from Bayern Munich, but Twitter now thinks he's going to Chelsea!  OHHHH what a scandal that would be.  What will David Moyes do?!
Wayne Rooney's autobiography, p131. "'You've been eating too many f****** McDonald's!' Moyes screamed at me. I protested it wasn't true" (@SamWallaceIndy)
Aside from the fact that Wayne Rooney is only aware of the word 'protested' because it looks a little bit like another that involves sex with old women, the "autobiography" he published back in about 2008ish caused a fair old rift between the England forward and incoming manager Moyes.  Particularly the bit where Moyes sued him for libel and won.  The two are said to be friends now but I'm not sure it's that easy after one side sues the other.  I've been trying to sue all of my friends who I know borrowed DVDs from me over the last 15 years but lawyers only seem to want to deal with 'sex crimes' or 'murder' and I'm not sure I'm willing to do either of those to watch Fern Gully again.  It's probably on Netflix anyway.

So anyway Wayne Rooney is probably moving to Bayern or Chelsea.  See you later