Monday, 13 May 2013

Mark van Bommel is sent off, retires

Netherlands midfielder and assaulter of humans, Mark van Bommel blew the final whistle on his illustrious career this weekend and did so whilst sitting on the bench after he was sent off.  Again.

The former Bayern, Barca, AC Milan player was dismissed for a second yellow card against FC Twente and told De Telegraaf that he had decided to only attack people on the streets because that way there are less cameras.
"I might have been able to do another year but I wanted to be the master of my destiny."
"The red card I received was perhaps a reflection of the whole season,"
Season/career.  Van Bommel was one of those players that you never use on FIFA because they're so incredibly slow but when you have to use them you push the 'hack' button more than the pass button.  Do you remember that old FIFA game where there was actually a bone crunching tackle button and if you pushed it they would try and Roy Keane someone?  That was really fun.  I used to do games with 11 men vs 1 with red cards turned off and then try and cripple the one opponent, in a sort of football equivalent of Josef Fritzel's basement.  But with less raping.  And if EA sports read any of my letters we'd already have that feature by now.