The QPR striker has been arrested on suspicion of gang rape, which statistically only 9 out of 10 people enjoy, and is being held along with two other men in connection with the incident. I have no idea if the other two are footballers or not, but what is it about raping people that footballers find so appealing? Players like Ched Evans, RVP, Titus Bramble and many others would all be horrified to hear that their fellow professionals would stoop so low as to commit sex crimes (see video below), as am I.
Also, these guys are absolutely loaded. Surely they can afford a prostitute or two. Maybe even three prostitutes. I have no idea how much one of those costs but it can't be much more than the equivalent of a bottle of gin, dinosaur suit, pair of roller blades and stereo that plays the ghostbusters theme tune on repeat, or as it's more commonly known, my sexual assault costume. It's really annoying having to explain what I'm dressed as to every single woman that I chase down a terrifying, dark alley