Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Franck Ribery hates Jerome Boateng

Bayern Munich celebrated their Bundesliga title win in style this weekend, by pouring beer over each other and dancing around etc.  Escaped horror film creature, Franck Ribery was very annoyed because his boring religion stops him from having fun.

Yes, when Ribery isn't busy soliciting under age prostitutes allegedly, he's being Muslim and this prevents him from having any contact whatsoever with alcohol.  Of all the story book characters he could have believed in, he chose the one where fun is forbidden.
"I'm not going to talk to Boateng again - he knows that I'm Muslim"
Oh wow what a great sport, he seems like great fun.  I don't know, nor understand, why alcohol is banned in Islam but I'm going to assume it's because Allah got smashed on Vodka Red Bull one night and slept with the 4/10 from the office.  It's a good excuse, but after some actual research I have discovered that alcohol lowers your inhibitions, is linked with diseases (SATAN'S HANDIWORK) and basically they just don't like it.  So Muslims are like those boring people you never hang out with because they order sparkling water in a pub.  Why didn't you just tell me you were gay before we went out?