Thursday, 16 May 2013

David Beckham is retired

Sexy pants wearer, David Beckham, has announced that he will finally retire from football at the end of the season.  NOOOOOOOOOOO

Now 38, Beckham blasted on to the world scene when he lobbed Neil Sullivan from about 60something yards in an early 1996/97 season win against Wimbledon.  That's how long he's been super famous for: Wimbledon were a still a thing.  In later years he won league titles, Spice Girls, FA Cups and death threats, lovingly sent in by English people who were annoyed that their shitty team didn't beat Argentina in a world cup.

Beckham has decided to end his career after winning Ligue 1 with PSG, the MLS with LA Galaxy, La Liga with Real Madrid and the Premiership with Man United.  But his greatest achievement?  He won our hearts.  And also he got to bang a lot of sluts.  Then he married posh spice.  Would I do her still?  Probably.  Angelina Jolie?  I'm not sure.  She'd have to get me pretty drunk now, which I guess is easy so yeh I probably would.