It's finally happened! The season is at a close and despite achieving a record amount of Premier League points, Spurs still aren't in the Champions League. THINK OF THE BALE! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BALE
Arsenal celebrated finishing 4th as if they didn't even realise that this isn't really a great thing and even a thunderstrike from G Bale against Sunderland couldn't prevent the party. Newcastle's inability to be good meant that Arsene Wenger has now secured Champions League football for 17 years in a row, and out of those 17 they have won the prestigious tournament exactly zero times because Wenger insists on buying players like Eboue and Flamini. So boring.
Luckily for Spurs they now get to play teams that you are annoyed you have to use when you play the FIFA drinking game, from countries that you aren't exactly sure where they are, on Thursdays. Thursday is the worst night. Nothing ever happens, you have to watch Channel 5 and you can't even get pissed because you have work the next day. What else are you supposed to do? Oh sure, read a book. Why don't you just phone my Dad and tell him I'm gay?