Carlos Ancelotti has told PSG chiefs that he wants to leave because Real Madrid seems nice instead. They have said no way jose, which was silly because his name is Carlo.
The Italian won Ligue 1 this year with the French outfit but will have to watch the Champions League Final as a spectator after his side were knocked out by.... someone. I forget who. All I know is that I really like Zlatan
TBH I mostly just pretend to watch football. Half of the stories I write about I've only actually read the headline and then made up what's happened while I type it. Like in this case I assume he's asked to leave because he wants to manage Real Madrid but it could be because he wants to write the great American novel. His is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. He calls it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
See? Even my jokes are cut and paste. It's all been a facade! Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can keep writing the same jokes about footballers but then I proof read articles like this and realise that baby, I've got too much talent not to. Some people phone me up sometimes and say "JJ you are so fucking talented" and I'm just like "uhhhhh I know that. But thanks for telling me anyway. Have a biscuit" and then I punch the next woman or child I see on the street. I'm like a modern Dickins or Hemingway