Thursday, 25 April 2013

You want Bournemouth to win

I am absolutely terrible at betting as I think we've established by now, but some people (like the guys from seem to be quite good at it.  This guy, for example, only needs Bournemouth to win the league to win £110,000

Now I would have failed this straight away because I thought Man City were going to win the league this year and because I also don't care about other divisions.  The only reason I know about Mansfield Town is because I want to have sex with the CEO, Cardiff because they have Craig Bellamy, I genuinely have no idea where Gillingham even is and the same goes for Bournemouth.  Except now I really want Bournemouth to win the league so that this guy wins lots of money and I don't even know him.  How nice am I?

For those of you who are also very nice, this is what the League One table looks like just now.  If anything it gives you a reason to support a new club this year and you'll sound very knowledgeable in the pub when someone talks about lower league football and blah blah blah.  You could even pretend it's you who has the bet so that you have lots more friends and then when you accidentally "lose" the winning bet slip, they'll buy you free beer.  It can't fail.

My past betting strategies have tended to include the very successful method of randomly ticking boxes, choosing the team that I've heard of or sometimes for fun I pick teams that I actually think will win.  This has a very low rate of success because it turns out I either know nothing about football, or am just terrible at betting.

In all fairness it's not really my job to predict football results, but it is Mark Lawrenson's because he is a 'football expert'.  He got less results right one weekend than Hulk Hogan.  So a guy whose only job is to know about football, actually knows less than someone whose job is to be a sexually deviant mental who rolls around on naked sweaty men in front of a televised audience.  My job is none of those things, but only slightly worse than Hulk Hogan's.

sad potato

So yeh that's why you want Bournemouth to win.  It's an inspiration to us all!

This video contains my real thoughts on betting adverts