Sunday, 28 April 2013

Phil Brown Recruits Jeremy Kyle

I would hate to play for Southend. They probably thought things couldn't get any worse, having to come in and work for Phil Brown every day. Then on their last game of the season, they show up to play and find Jeremy Kyle in the dressing room - it's that stuff that nightmares are made of.

Phil Brown decided that nobody could get the message through to the players quite like big Jezza. Apparently Phil Brown and Jeremy Kyle are good friends - they are also the answer to "the two people you would least like to have a pint with?". Jeremy is normally utilised for shouting at 17 year-olds who live on the dole, smoke an ounce a day and have ten children. 

I'm not sure I could take a telling from Jeremy Kyle, he is perhaps the smarmiest and most smug human being on the planet - after Phil Brown.  I bet he spends at least one hour a day sitting in a small room without windows, watching reruns of his show whilst smelling his own farts. 

Whatever he said obviously didn't work as Southend lost 1-0. Jeremy has sent all the players to go and see his super counsellor super-hero friend Graham to try and work on being less shit.