Sunday, 28 April 2013

Gareth Bale Wins All The Awards

In case you didn't know, Gareth Bale is good at football. He has now officially been named the best soccer ball kicker in the England Premier Division Select. He does look a little bit like one of those creatures from Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet! You maniacs, you blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!


GB11 as he's probably going to be known as soon, has just won both the PFA Player of the Year and the PFA Young Player of the Year. He becomes only the third man in history to win both in the same year. Previously it was Cristiano Ronaldo, a man who has gone on to become the 2nd best player in the world. The other is Andy Gray, a man who got fired from Sky for sexist comments and created a unique question and answer commentating style. "Richard said, "go on Andy, fuck up your career and say something about female officials" and I said, "you know what Richard, I will - TITS!".

It could be argued that Suarez would probably have won, had he not decided to try and eat Ivanovic, but there is no argument that Bale has turned into an absolute monster this season. Tottenham without Bale, is like Mock the Week without Frankie Boyle - you're left with that useless bald cunt and it's all a bit shit.