Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Benitez: Everyone Wants Me, I'm Awesome

Did you know Rafael Benitez is the best manager in the world? Well he is, because he told us he is.

Fucking hell he's annoying. I just tried to read the entire transcript of an interview he did recently, but I ended up smashing up my laptop with a tiny hammer. I'm now writing this on my old Amiga 500. Rafa "knows" he will return to Liverpool to manage one day, do you know how he knows this? Because his wife and children still live there - perfect logic.

In his spare time from managing Liverpool, he's also going to manage Real Madrid. You see he knows the club, he's got lots of friends there and is best buddies with President Florentino Perez. Mourinho is just there to keep the seat warm for the main man. He was also offered the Real Madrid job, but was manager of Liverpool at the time and it wouldn't be right to leave when under contract. Yup, he turned down the chance to manage his dream club that he has supported all his life. Lies are fun.

Just in case Real doesn't come off, his Dad supports Atletico Madrid so that jobs in the bag - that will be his safety net. He will also manage Spain one day, but that's in the future. For now he will be staying in England and cementing his place as the best manager of all time. "Ladies and Gentleman, Rafa Benitez!" *standing ovation as he walks up to collect his best manager in the history of the universe award from the ghost of Bill Shankly and Jesus* - I'm assuming that's what the inside of his head looks like. Not the hollowed out boiled egg it appears from the outside.