Writing this on an iPad is really fucking annoying, I shall persevere. Pep Guardiola is definitely feeling all smug right now. Bayern were just too good, Messi was too injured and the Barcelona defence was too shit. I'm not sure what happened to Arjen Robben, he was passing to other people and even tackling, at one point I thought his hair might even grow back but that would be absurd.
I absolutely love Thomas Muller, not only does he supply me with delicious dairy snacks, which are both fun and filling, but he bloody loves the big occasion. Messi on this occasion, not so much - the man was clearly injured and it makes me wonder who made the decision to start him.
"Lionel are you fit?"
"No, not really to be honest - I can hardly move"
"That's great! We are going to play you wide right"
"No. I don't think you heard me correctly- I'm seriously injure..."
"Give 'em hell boy!" *slaps his arse and sends him on his way*
Barcelona need a minor miracle if they are to progress to the final. Either that or they pump Messi full of more steroids. I still can't believe that Chelsea defeated Bayern in the final last year, on penalties no less. The only explanation is that John Terrry made a deal with the devil.
"I will deliver the champions league to you, on one condition- you cannot play in the final"
"Can I still wear the full kit and collect a winners medal?"
"I mean, you'll look like an utter fud but why not, go nuts"