Thursday, 11 April 2013

3 Reasons Why Chelsea Will Win The Europa League

Despite losing tonight against Rubin Kazim-Richards, Chelsea progressed through to the semi-finals and I believe they are going to win the other cup. Why? This is why.

1) Rafa Benitez

Call him a fat Spanish waiter, call him David Brent, I can call you Betty, you can call me Al - call him what you want, Benitez likes to win cups. He's won the FA Cup, European Cup, UEFA Cup, Super Cup, the Fifa World Club Cup and other shitty cups that nobody cares about. The Europa definitely falls into that last category.

2) The other teams are shit

I took that picture right now - LIVE - Basel, Spurs, Newcastle Benfica, Lazio and Fenerbahce. Are they German or Spanish? No, so therefore they are rubbish. Spurs cannot wait for this season to end - if they actually get over the finish line, it will be like watching those women doing the crab walk at the end of the ironman/woman event


3) They have The Mask 


Who knew that the key to Fernando Torres becoming good again would be to wear a gimp mask? Convinced that none of us can recognise him and feeling all sexy, Torres is enjoying himself and scoring goals again. Either that or he just needed a cuddle from the big gay bear. See 1)  His lob was lovely tonight. Soon he will be robbing banks and dating Cameron Diaz. 

Torres does actually have plenty of goals this year  - just not in the league and that's all anyone cares about.

There you have it, three very well researched and thoughtful reasons as to why Chelsea will win. Move over Michael Cox.