Sunday, 10 March 2013

They tried to make me go to rehab and I said, "I probably should or else I'll die"

Paul Gascoigne is somehow still alive and has flown back to the UK to drink not drink all the drinks.

Gazza was funnier when we all just thought he was a "lad" and not an alcoholic mentalist, who beat up his ex-wife. After his public breakdown in January, he was whisked off to rehab in America by the alcohol angels known as "football friends". There he was told by doctors that he would probably die and slipped into a three day coma. Awake and sober, he is now living on something called water?

If cats have nine lives, then what kind of animal is Gazza? How many lives do squids have? Back home, he will continue his rehab. This is where the hard part starts, thankfully when I want a delicious ice cold beer, I am responsible and just have 7 or 8. Gazza was apparently drinking two litres of gin and 15 stellas a day, or what scientists call a fuck load.

Best of luck Paul, even though you did score that goal against Scotland in Euro 96, prick.