Thursday, 28 March 2013

Mario Balotelli loves Fanny

Crazy Italian black person, Mario Balotelli, has revealed that the reason behind his recent form at AC Milan is because he has fallen in love with his girlfriend, Fanny Neguesha.  Wait, what did you think I meant?

The former Man City player has suddenly started playing like the striker we all thought he could be since his recent move to the San Siro.  While speaking about his love of Fanny, he said:
“She is determined, confident and generous. In a short space of time she found herself in sync with me. I could spend my whole life with someone like this. Thanks to Fanny I have rediscovered the balance that I need in my work.
Aww that's nice.  That last sentence is also something I tend to say a lot after about like five beers.  There's no real jokes to be made here because he's made most of them for me accidentally so let's move on to something serious.  The London Evening Standard said that when asked about whether he has even seen his daughter, who was born quite recently, Balotelli said this:
[his ex] claims Balotelli has not seen Pia since she was born in December and he said: “If it has happened so far, it is not my fault.
“I am not a nasty person. In fact, at times I am too naively good-natured.  I would like to meet her and really hope she is my daughter.”
Yeh I bet he does.  I bet he hopes she's his daughter in the same way that I hope my work doesn't realise I haven't turned up for like five days now.  If they do then I'll have to deal with it, but if they don't then I've been able to get pissed for four days in a row without having to worry about any children.  Except for *that* night.  Children can't read number plates while they're rolling down a ravine, right?