The majestic apes, as he's known to close friends, had to travel separately from the rest of the Wales squad, prompting rumours that he couldn't actually be arsed playing a largely pointless match in the snow in a shit part of Glasgow. Those have turned out not to be true and he might play. You can pretend all you like that the only real reason to watch tonight's game isn't to see what cool stuff G Bale does, but you'd be lying. It's like pretending you're watching porn to find out what happens to that poor girl's broken fridge. Since when are teachers also plumbers?