Friday, 15 February 2013

Alcohol might come back to stadiums

In moves likely to bring about the end of man kind, football stadiums may soon be allowed to let fans drink beer while in their seats.  I can think of nothing that could go wrong with this


Ipswish Town are being supported by lots of other English clubs in their pursuit of more alcohol:
“Society has moved on since the dark days of the 1970s and 1980s and home office figures would suggest that the number of arrests at games over the last couple of seasons is at an all-time low.
“That doesn’t mean I’m being complacent about this situation and what I’m not calling for is a complete lifting of the ban.
In European stadiums and across all of America you can go nuts with beer while you enjoy a sporting event, but the key difference between these places and the UK is that people understand how to have fun without beer in the first place there.

Beer to a poor English person is like the spark to the fire that threatens to engulf rational thinking and non-lunacy at any time, and combining the average IQ of the common football goer and the amount of sheer rage that echoes throughout their bodies at any given time, allowing more pints of Stella during a football game is going to end with Moira Stewart telling us all to flee for our lives, while a man dressed as a pirate crashes in through the newsroom wall and punches the camera