Thursday, 24 January 2013

Man United want to deport De Gea

David De Gea isn't doing very well at Manchester United, especially since he cost more than a lot of Manchester, and now Alex Ferguson wants to eat him.

The ex-Aberdeen manager has decided that the best use of his Spanish goalkeeper might be as tasty hamburgers but now that it's illegal to eat human meat (damn you the government!) another option might be to replace him.  Roy Carroll, who used to play for Man United, said this:
"Once you make mistakes, people just never forget about it so I think as a young goalkeeper it's very hard.
"Manchester United are one of the biggest teams in the world and if you make mistakes the press are always on your case all the time - that's what happens at a big club like Manchester United."
And Carroll would know, because he once let in a goal from 50 yards that didn't count because.... it just didn't, and his reward was being sent to another country.  Then again that country was Greece and it's quite nice there.  In fact I am here right now, it's why I've done no updates for about a week.  Time magazine once described me as 'handsome and insightful'.  Mostly handsome?  Did I mention that David De Gea is shit?