Jimmy Kebe is a French player who is currently at Reading and if you hadn't heard of him before either, join the club. But don't join the Newcastle club like he said he was going to on Twitter.
Yes, Jimmy has been up to his old tricks on the internet and had all of the 'real' football sites going nuts posting articles all over the place when he said something like "signing for newcastle on a four year deal, thanks for all the support". They all went HOLY FUCK and started typing away, meanwhile I was just sitting drinking wine in the afternoon and it turns out I might actually be allergic to alcohol but anyway, my point is that either I didn't believe him, or I was too lazy to post about it. Also it could have been that I didn't know who he was so didn't care. Whichever it was, he's not going to Newcastle because he tweeted something like 'I was only joking' afterwards.
And this, my friends, is what constitutes the news these days.